Comingling Love and Truth

Someone said this:

Truth without love is too cruel. Love without truth is too kind.

I have not been able to find the originator of that quote. I believe that person has elegantly encapsulated profound wisdom. I heard it long ago, and still find more insight each time I consider it.

Of all the things I think about writing in this blog, there are not many things more worthwhile than those two concepts. When they are at work in harmony within us, they transform us. We feel them change us, and others sense it.

They are closely linked so that one without the other can send us on harmful paths.

I would love to hear from readers about the insights they have after considering that quote. I'll share some of mine.

Truth
People seem to develop a certain resistance to truth as they grow up. I wonder why we are so afraid of the very thing that ultimately sets us free? We don't believe in the liberating, healing power of truth, or at least, we do not live as though we do. We avoid, anesthetize, deny -- we do almost anything with the truth rather than face it!

Some people wield truth as a weapon, then excuse their behavior with "I am only telling the truth!"

The truths I have encountered in my life tell me one important thing about the nature of truth: it does no harm. Certainly, encounters with truth can be painful. Facing a truth can feel a hundred times worse than denial! But pain brought by truth is like the surgeon's blade -- it cuts that it might heal.

That naturally leads us to love.

Love
It can be fairly maddening to try to find a meaning for this word that goes below the surface. We all nod knowingly when someone complains about how we have cheapened the word and missed the point. If we are honest, we admit to not quite grasping what love means, how to express it, what to expect from it... whether to believe in it.

I know that it is much more than sentiment. I know it is more than a lofty concept -- or a handy tool for manipulation. Nothing is more necessary to us. I'll admit here, that every now and then I rethink that last statement. I am unable to dispute it. It is our need from our core both to love and to be loved.

It seems to me that what most of us mean when we say "I love you" is "I love how you make me feel about myself." If we strip away everything else, that is the root of what we call a response of love.

That is nothing like authentic love. If the feelings are self-focused, they are not love. They are not mere feelings either. Love involves action. Or as someone put it, "Love always seeks the best for the beloved."

What then is "the best"? Is it what I think you want and need? No, that treads into self-focus again, which is something other than love.

Who is my "beloved"? Is it truly that person I see, or a projection of what I want them to be? Am I able to see someone as they really are?

What does love do? Here we find the vital question. It is the question that must constantly be asked, because the answer at any given time in any situation is not a formula.

I think that increase in our capacity for giving and receiving love is one of life's ongoing and most central pursuits. It is the soil in which every other aspect of meaning and purpose grows. I may have more insight about it today than I did yesterday. Still, it is incomplete awareness.

It is too easy to miss the point. There are few, if any, absolute rules. And that leads back to truth.

Comingling
There is a phrase in the Bible that keeps leading me to increased healing: Speaking the truth in love.

Giving

To Me
I must do this for myself -- tell myself the truth about everything. The more truth I tell myself, the more I can see. I do this in love and it does not lead to condemning myself, but to forgiveness -- authentic, beautiful release.

To Others
I offer this, humbly, to others. We can't see ourselves objectively as others can. We need each other's perspectives and help. What can be more healing than truth spoken in love? Love is sensitive to timing, understands and accepts. It is unconditional. And in all of those things, it has courage to risk temporary hurt (the surgeon's incision) to bring long-term healing. The surgeon does everything possible to ease the pain of the healing wound that must be inflicted!

Anesthesia is used so the nerves will not feel the pain as intensely. Love permeates the telling of truth so that it lessens the hurt.

The blades are sharp so that the cut is clean, thus healing more readily. The truth must be direct to avoid unnecessary, broad wounding.

The wound is closed to stop the bleeding, and to help the body's ability to self-heal. We do not deliver the blow, then walk away and leave the person to suffer their pain alone.

The site of the wound is checked often to make sure nothing is hindering the healing, like infection or failure of the skin to scar appropriately. Love stays close by, offering aid or space, whichever may be needed, in whatever way it can be given.

Medication and other assistance is provided to ease the pain after the procedure. Love never abandons, but flows constantly with reassurances and comfort, strength and resolve. We see them through without shrinking from the difficulty of the process. We bring them light, warmth, nourishment. And we encourage them even when they falter. We help them celebrate their release.

In each of these aspects of the metaphor, I see more about how truth and love comingle with regard to a particular expression of the two: painful truths that bring healing. There are many more. There are literally infinite dimensions to be seen in the mutual workings and expressions of truth and love.

Receiving
This may be hardest of all. (How true that it is better to give than to receive!)

I must remove the hindrances within that keep me from receiving the truth "spoken" in love. It will not always be offered in words. It is in the reactions of others to what I do, and to what I say... to who I am. Seeing and receiving truth from others -- especially my mate and my children -- offers an unmatched opportunity to grow in wisdom and maturity.

It is the purification of a refiners fire. Gold is heated until it is liquified. Impurities rise to the surface where they can be removed. What remains is pure gold.

I want to always improve in my ability to receive truth. Even when it is not spoken in love, I can receive it in love -- love for myself, for those who benefit by changes and healing it brings me, and out of love for truth itself.

To do that requires much. The ego must be silenced so I can hear without self-protective reactions. I need to be able to sort out what is authentically true -- find the pearl and disregard the rest. It takes courage and humility. It is incredibly worthwhile when you consider all that can be gained.

As you ponder this, I hope you will share what you see.